update
Each day passing the more I feel like my body is on fire. It's a flame that roots my insides, every passing second being in defensive mode. I see it as a good thing that I barely feel the pain. I know, I'm able to go through this, whatever it is. It won't be fun obviously.
I really want to tell people to leave me be. Why explain things if I do not have enough data yet. I don't owe anybody an explanation, because I know I can go through this alone. And I refuse to mix people into this. I'm asking you to respect it. I'm also tired of parasocial relations. I wasn't mature enough in the past to see how badly I fed these types of "connections", if it even can be called this way. I felt lonely, but it's not an excuse for this at all.
I know many of you genuinely care about my wellbeing, but sorry, you're not in a place to help me. I'm leaving it here, because I see I can clear some things off.
Don't worry, I'll post anyway as much if I have strength for it.